LiveBlog: Deus Ex – Human Revolution
SPOILER WARNING. From here in out I’m going to be giving away story and plot points. If you intend on playing the game and want to remain spoiler-free, stop flipping reading, you idiots. For everyone else, welcome.
Okay, a little background before I start. For you non-gamers out there, Deus Ex was a very highly regarded cyberpunky First Person Shooter from 2000. Mixing action and role-playing elements, it’s probably best known for it’s branching storyline and the multiple ways in which you can complete sections, using stealth, bloody violence, or just talking. It spawned a less well-regarded sequel, Deus Ex: Invisible War, in 2003. Deus Ex: Human Revolution is a prequel to both those games. Two games I’ve never played, I should add. This my first time in the Deus Ex world. Please be gentle…
Friday 26th August 2011 – 9.00pm
Right, here we go. Start game! Oh, yes. First we must decide upon the difficulty. I usually go for normal. I want a challenge, but nothing that’ll drive me insane. Normal it is. Loading. Loading. Loading. A smoking man! He must be evil. Talk of science and tech and stuff. I don’t understand any of it. Maybe I will later. Ah, there’s the guy from the game cover. He’s gruff, with a Clint Eastwood-like voice. How I long for a hero with a normal timbre…
And I get to take control! Oh no! The freaking Y-axis is always wrong. I HATE this. Why can’t it ever be the way I like it? Always have to go into options and invert it. Distracts from the game. Walking through the lab, talking. Good to get the exposition out the way. My character’s name is Adam Jensen. Pretty sure he had a relationship with the scientist lady I’m following, Megan something. The world looks good, but the characters are rough. With LA Noire’s facial technology out there these days, crappy lip-synching will not do. Turns out Jensen’s ex-SWAT. Let’s go kick some ass.
Okay, the action starts. The lab has been breached, I have to go sort it. Big giant guy kills some scientists. This can’t be good. Controls similar to most FPS games, the stealthy elements work well. Find it a bit awkward getting used to it. Oh, I’m dead. Loading. Loading. Loading. Here we go again. Get in there, take ‘ em out. Yeah, bad-ass. Boom headshot! I’m gonna win! Oh giant robot man kicks my lungs off. Shoots me. Oh.
Ah,cut to credit sequence where they turn me into a robot man too. I see where this is going…
Sunday 28th August 2011 - 7:10pm
Flown in and dropped off at a factory that has been taken over by crazy terrorists who think mechanical augmentations are like, well bad. The boss wants me to secure a secret weapon we have there. Time to test out my new found powers. First a lengthy conversation with SWAT Team leader. I tell him to hold off his attack, I’ve totes got it covered. Totes. Climb down some ladders. Ah, first encounter with guard. Goodnight and good luck, kemosabe. More of ‘em. Yeah, check out my awesome takedowns. I’m as cool as cucumber shit.
Next room. Warehouse. The traditional warehouse. Where’d movies and videogames be without the warehouse? They’d have to think of interesting and different locales in which events can take place. This warehouse is full of guards. It’s gonna be hard to take them out without alerting everyone. Think, Bjorn, think. I sneak past a couple of gormless thugs and find a ladder. Hey, an air duct! I can climb through there Die Hard-stylee, nobody’ll see me. Genius. Nobody thinks like me. Job done. Oh, not yet. I have to hack a door. I watch the tutorial. I don’t understand any of it. Somehow I hack the door open. Yup, yet more Bjorn awesomeness.
Now I am stuck. Another room full of guards. I keep getting killed. I can’t do stealth. I can’t do sneakiness. I haven’t got the patience. I don’t think I’m going to enjoy this game. ARGH. Dead again. Okay, guns blazing. Stupidly few bullets left. Manage to do it. There are some hostages locked in a room, I enter and a bomb countdown starts. Fuck, I have to hack it. I don’t know what I’m doing! I run out of time! Gas kills me and the hostages. Fuck it. Fuck it in the ear. I hate games. Why do I play them? Why do I have to be so shit? Fuck it. Fuck.
Try again. Take it slowly. Take down two guards before I’m discovered, the rest out with the gun when they close me down. I leave the hostages. Sorry guys, I need to get through this level. Next bit, more guards, I avoid them and security easily. Sweet. Discover a guy hacking into the secret weapon using the mech augmentations. Weird, thought these guys attacked because they wanted to keep humans pure? He shoots himself before I can question him. Boss contacts me, tells me to take out the ring leader, Zeke. Will do.
I sneak through a few more offices, avoiding all confrontation. I’m like a ghost. Find Zeke. He’s got a hostage. I’m allowed to do what I want here. This is what has been raved about in the reviews. Shall I shoot him? Reason with him? Let him go? I try reasoning. It doesn’t go well. He shoots the hostage and escapes. I’m a piss-poor killing machine. Sigh.
Picked up and taken back to the corporate offices. Go talk to the boss. He gives me a mission. Break into the police station morgue where the body of the augmented terrorist is being kept. I leave and am called to my office. I meet a guy, an employee. He wants my help. He’s being blackmailed by another member of staff, I have to get a video. I accept, that’s a side mission. I go to leave the office and am approached by an older woman. She’s Megan something’s Mother, you know, the scientist girl from the first mission. She want me to investigate her death. Another side mission. I haven’t got the time or the inclination to do all these things! I think I chose the wrong game to play…
Monday 29th August 2011 7:10pm
Oh, I knew I’d chosen the wrong game. Tried to talk my way into the police station. Failed miserably. Now I have to sneak my way in somehow. I go around the back and pick up some trash containers. I stack them up and climb the fence. Find a ladder and climb to the top of the police station, find a convenient air vent and break in. Loading. Find myself in a cleaner’s closet, police man wandering outside. Watch him turn his back and take him out, hiding him in the closet. I hate using stealth. Wish I could do an Arnie in Terminator and tear the place a bright new shiny arsehole. Nope, sneaky sneak sneak. Get to the ground level but am notice by a cop. All Hell breaks loose. I die. Back to the closet. Start, reach the same point, die again. ARGH. Closet. Repeat. Die. I give up. I curse the people who made this stupid game. Cry.
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